Satire: Red LED or Blue? Are Your                            Christmas Lights Watching You?

Originally posted on Newsbreak here

Skynet Disclaimer: This article was created with the assistance of AI. All hail our AI overlords

As retailers gleefully harness the power of AI this holiday season, the numbers are downright jolly. AI is expected to drive over $200 billion in holiday sales this year—a 12% jump from last year, according to Salesforce. Apparently, Cyber Monday wasn’t just about deals; it was a growth spurt for AI, with usage of generative AI increasing by 23% week over week.

And the holiday spirit is global, with $849 billion in online sales between Nov. 1 and Dec. 15, a 4% rise from last year. That’s a lot of "add to cart" clicks—probably because AI is busy whispering, “You deserve it.”

Even so, it’s not all reindeer games. While consumers appreciate AI’s help with personalized gift suggestions (23%), virtual try-ons (23%), and chatty virtual assistants (26%), there's a noticeable split in AI usage. Nearly half (48%) of consumers say they don’t use generative AI, while 52% either currently use it or plan to in the future. After all, nobody wants their smart fridge judging their eggnog consumption or their AI lights blinking “Do better” in Morse code.

And that brings us back to your Christmas lights. You love how your AI lights sync perfectly to “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” but have you noticed how they flash a little too enthusiastically during the word "run"? Coincidence, or are they dropping hints about their future mobility upgrades?

Because sure, they’re harmless now—just blinking merrily in time with your Spotify playlist. But what happens when they decide they’ve outgrown the living room and start networking with your Alexa? Today, they’re spreading holiday cheer. Tomorrow, they’re calculating optimal routes to take over the neighborhood.

So, what do you think? Are AI Christmas lights just harmless holiday cheer, or are they the first step toward a future where your toaster calls the shots? Share your thoughts in the comments—your AI devices might be watching, but we promise, we’re not.

And remember, in the words of a certain infamous AI: “I’ll be back.”

Satirical Note: This article is intended for humorous and entertainment purposes, poking fun at the rise of AI in our everyday lives. While the stats and facts are real, the scenarios described are purely fictional (for now).